my emotional state

expressed by javier bardem

happy movember

Jane wants all y'all to mo it up!



moustache sticker courtesy picnik.com

"flo"

love when the live version is so rich.

Quick Yoga for Toddlers and Moms

oh mother

tears are still pouring from my eyes as i post this.



i will return with a post on the things i would have told myself.

Gary Chang's "Domestic Transformer"

Marcel Lam for The New York Times

How inefficient our 3 bedroom Victorian feels after watching Hong Kong architect Gary Chang fit 24 rooms into 344 sq ft! Astonishing use of space. Head to Planet Green to check it out.

the little things

washing my feet in their bath water after the girls have gone to bed.
peppermint soap.
tepid water.
clean feet.
breath.

my happy thought before i sleep

black and white Bruce Weber photographs
torn pages from Vanity Fair and Vogue
wallpapered my room
when I was a girl.
inspiring.

I want to punch Caillou in the mouth

Over the last week a transformation has occurred in our household. Our sweet, cooperative, polite little Maggie, our beautiful little caterpillar has undergone a metamorphosis. Out of nowhere she has become a rude, insubordinate, raging hellion. I seriously could not believe my ears tonight (and had much difficulty keeping a straight face). As we were going to the bath she did not want to take, she said, "I'm not talking to you guys. I'm just walking over here. Goodbye. I'm leaving now." That was the cherry on top. All week there have been ridiculous tantrums and crying fits. She has been obsessed with crying - all her imaginary play involves crying. I have been hearing the word "NO!" and the phrase "I don't want to!" in a snotty little voice, and it has been getting progressively worse.

Then tonight I got it. I have been applying the hell out of How to Talk to Kids since the madness started - stretching my patience farther than I ever thought it could go. Turns out there was no need. The solution? NO MORE CAILLOU!

I questioned this conclusion at first. I considered other causes: illness, growth spurt, maybe we finally hit the "terrible twos". So I started Googling and found that Maggie is not the only one to be corrupted by the little turd:

land of aud says, "I cut Caillou off when Jacob was about a year and a half. I was starting to notice that after Jacob watched the show he would become increasingly whiny!"

S.Q. says, "and now my daughter says "NO" all the time and literally acts like caillou and quotes him and actually imitates his squeaky, irritating voice."

TNmommy says, "Calliou has caused lots of problems in our house. My 3 yr daughter had started watching and loving this show. I watched with her the first few espisodes and didn't notice anything wrong, at first. Then my dd started using phrases like " I DON'T WANT TO!" and "NO, not now!" I figured out where she was picking this up at. Calliou is very whiny and disobient."

For those of you unfamiliar with the little effer, allow intothethickofit to explain, "The storyline revolves around 4-year old Caillou who is either whining or speaking in a false baby voice. He’s rarely in trouble with his hopelessly perky and indulgent parents. The narrator finds Caillou ridiculously charming and always chides the audience about our preschool hero’s antics."

Barf.

Young children are impressionable. Right now she mimics everything. She imitates her father and I - the way we sit, the way we eat, the way we talk. If we read a book, suddenly she becomes the main character. Last week we watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium and she became Mahoney (Natalie Portman) for a few days. A little over two weeks ago, Maggie started watching one Caillou episode a day and if you've seen the little punk, you can imagine the behaviour that's appeared as a result.

Hence the new house rule...

The Perfect Bedtime Story

Gwyneth Paltrow roasts a chicken. I found this so calming. Better than steamed milk in chamomile.

A beautiful use of time

Gramma's Play Dough Recipe

1 cup Flour
2 teaspoons Cream of Tartar
1/4 cup Salt
1 cup Hot Water
1 tbsp Oil
Food Colouring
Essential Oil or Extract

Slowly add wet to dry and mix until smooth. Add food colouring and scent if you so desire. Stir over medium heat until no longer runny. Remove from pot and knead. Let cool. Store in plastic bag or airtight container.



Maggie decided the double batch of purple and the single batch of blue needed to come together into one large play dough sculpture. Her masterpiece. Ta da.

Dreaming of Light

I love Peggy Sirota's photography and I think about this Vanity Fair shoot whenever I'm having a crap day. I close my eyes and imagine this light. Warm and golden and full of life. I put myself in this field and I exhale.

Marking 30

30 is coming up in 2 months. I want to celebrate big. I thought tattoo. Chris didn't. At that point I began to question my sudden desire to draw on my body. And then I started looking for images of beautiful tattoos. Here are some.


I feel the momentum of this bird in flight. I feel like I'm soaring.


This tattoo on Danish model Freja Beha makes me want to walk taller and lighter.


The loose script of this tattoo perfectly evokes the feeling of love. (lost link)


Magical, pretty and flattering.


Sexy and bold. This woman knows who she is.


Special and personal. The hand of a landscape architect?


Vivid.


A good reminder.

I truly appreciate body art, but have no graphics or images that I connect with that strongly. There would be no need to hesitate if I had something in mind. I don't.

Perhaps it's not a tattoo I'm seeking. I'm drawn to the quality of permanence. I want to commit to something fully and completely. I feel a desperate need to do something remarkable and important to commemorate the last 30 years.

I may just be looking to better define myself. I often wish I could be summed up by a word, an icon or illustration. I wish I fit in a tidy little package. Anal retentive perfectionist : ) ...woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister, cook, photographer, blogger... 30 years old and still getting to know who I am. Sounds about right.

Desperately Seeking Caitlin,
C.

incremental improvements

I sometimes (ok often) shoot like Austin Powers: clicking madly and erratically while I chat with my subjects. The beautiful photograph below is a direct result. My nephew pulls out the goofiest "camera face" whenever he's conscious of a camera, but he has a wicked knock-your-socks-off smile when he's genuinely happy.



This process does elicit wonderful expressions, but when I'm not looking, I'm not framing. So I shoot and shoot - compensating for the inevitable inaccuracy with an extra frame or five (cringe). This leads to much time wasted cropping. Since I'm not looking for a gig as a paparazzo, I assume I should correct this method of capture. I think I will try a tripod, for group portraits especially. And I will enlist bystanders to relax my subjects so I can focus on the frame.

Shooting in the dark,
C.

decaf mama

So I've officially been off coffee for 2 arduous weeks. Insert sympathy here.

While I breastfed Maggie I hardcore avoided caffeine. Since I've been chasing a 2.5 year old Maggie while breastfeeding baby Jane, I was allowing myself one precious cup per day. Two weeks ago, I admitted there might be a connection between this wonderful morning ritual and Jane's excessive wakings. Sigh.

Initially I replaced my one small coffee with two large teas. Oops. Same caffeine intake. Caffeine is a lovely drug with a biological half-life of approximately 4-6 hours for an average adult. No wonder I could drink a cup of coffee at 8AM (about 200mg of caffeine), continue to feel alert until 2PM (about 100mg left in my body), then not really feel tired until after 8PM! While it might take me 12 hours to eliminate the caffeine from a cup of coffee, it could take my baby up to THIRTY to work that out of her system...so for months she was never free of its effects......... Oi.

Today, I am fully decaffeinated. I'm past the headaches and the bleary exhaustion. I'm drinking decaf Via in the mornings. Expensive? Yes. Delicious and almost as good as the real thing? Good enough. Most significantly, baby Jane is sleeping like a dream. I'll still sneak in an espresso drink here and there because she can handle minor disruptions, but damn I'm glad I got off the bean.

It's all about the baby Janes,
C.

for the love of play

Today was a major transition day. Maggie's cousins left this morning after an amazing week of visiting. On days like this, I step up my game a little. I read many books, employing many ridiculous voices. We ate strawberry walnut yogurt parfaits for lunch (thank you Raquel for that idea!) and ants-on-a-log for snack (I was dismayed to find that, like her father and her grandfather before her, Maggie does not "do" celery). I slapped together some makeshift cracker box architecture for her cars, people and animals (1. thank you Jenny for the inspiration 2. Thin Addictives cookies come in a HOUSE SHAPED BOX!). Now. Here is the slam dunk. I took our homemade play dough OUTSIDE! *cue harp sounds of brilliance* Thank you Internets for the best play idea all summer....for me anyway. Maggie lost interest pretty quickly. Above is the play dough/nature installation "we" built on the sidewalk.

So as I was putting her to bed, when I asked her what the highlight of her day was (a nightly ritual), she did not skip a beat. "My favourite day was watching Franklin, Mommy!" All that, and the best part of her day was watching Franklin Plays Hockey while I ignored her to sweep and edit photos..........................

Keep calm and carry on,
C.

overshooting

Walk with me as I use trial and error to hone my skills with the camera. I will be honest and expose all my flaws (the ones I recognize anyway). I will tag this series of posts "shooting in the dark".

Yes I am a rookie and I do have a heavy trigger finger. To be fair, I have small squirmy children and it seemed that continuous shooting would allow me to "bracket" such that I guaranteed at least one open-eyed, in focus shot per attempt. This does create a heck of a lot of duplicates though -



- and now I have 38, 654 photos to weed through. Oi.

I am learning to wait. Benefits? I feel much more in control and therefore much more proud of the results. I have WAY fewer images to edit so I save time. Photography becomes a much more zen experience; I don't feel rushed or panicked because I have the confidence that I will get at least a few beautiful images.

Here's the result:



I think I dig this slow photography thing. I think single shooting will help me become a better photographer. I think.

Shooting in the dark,
C.

learning from babes

my two year-old has an amazing ability to find joy. while chasing me around the front yard she will yell, "I'm having so much fun!"

good note kid; more yelling in fun, less yelling in anger.

mama needs a vacation...

...and she is so unlikely to get one.

no this is not a pity party. this is reality talking. the reality is that times are tough, money is tight, thrift is trendy and (getting to the heart of the matter) baby wants the boob. i dream of solo camping trips by a lake, single hammocks on tropical beaches and swanky hotel rooms all to myself; emphasis on the "dream". in reality, what can i do for myself to simulate the relaxation this would bring?

enter children's fantasy literature. it's easy. it's fun. it's immersive. head into the world of Harry Potter, Narnia, the Old Ones, or (yes I love myself a little Edward and Bella) Twilight. i recently spent a week devouring Percy Jackson & The Olympians. every free moment was for reading and it literally (har har) felt like i'd taken a holiday when the week was over.

other ways i get that vacation feelin:
-take a cold bubbly beverage, chilled glass of wine, or iced coffee to the bathroom and have a hot shower or soak in the tub. be sure to use delicious smelling soaps or oils.
-once the kids (and the hubby) have been fed and watered, go back to bed and snuggle with the duvet while i catch up on my reader or maybe even let myself fall back to sleep.
-look at photos of past vacations and tell maggie stories about them.

how do you get your relaxing on when time and money are limited?

finally!!

Hallelujah

Though nothing compares to KD Lang and a stadium full of white lights, these three versions of Leonard Cohen's tune also give me shivers.